To the Shire!
by ViggoOrlandoSavvy
Summary: Legolas and Aragorn (and his family) are off to visit the Shire for Frodo's birthday! Hilarity ensues as they set out on the trail for some strange adventures!
1. Crazy Elves and Hobbitses

Disclaimer – I don't own LOTR, any characters, events, plots, settings, etc. It belongs to New Line and Peter Jackson.  
  
"Got any 4's?"  
  
"Nope. Go fish." Legolas carefully selected a card from the pile.  
  
"Hah! Fished my wish!" Legolas retorted smugly, placing a pair of 4's down on the table.  
  
"You cheated!" Suddenly, a tinny version of 'Green sleeves' was piping through the room. Legolas reached into his pocket and pulled out his cell phone.  
  
"Hello?" He answered.  
  
"Hey, Legolas! What's up? It's Frodo." A cheerful voice was saying. Legolas was puzzled.  
  
"Frodo?" He said slowly. "Um...refresh my memory, please."  
  
"You know, the guy without a finger. Went to Rivendell, joined the Fellowship, went on to Mordor, people called me gay without cease (Sorry! I'm not trying to make fun of Frodo or anything! I love Elijah Wood and Sean Astin!) The whole, 'it's mine, my own!' thing. PRECIOUS!" Screamed Frodo into the phone, launching into hysterics.  
  
"Oh. Hey Frodo."  
  
"Hi. Yeah, so I was wondering, can you come down to the Shire for my birthday party?" Legolas glanced over at the game of Go Fish where his cousin Nelineth was trying to peek at his cards.  
  
"Sure. When is it?"  
  
"Two weeks." Legolas knew that meant he'd have to leave in a few days.  
  
"Great."  
  
"Oh, Gollum sends his love." (Again, nothing against Gollum/Smeagol/Andy Serkis!) This last sentence shocked Legolas.  
  
"Umm...I thought Gollum fell in the lava and uh...died." Frodo's voice became testy.  
  
"Yes well, he suffered 3rd degree burns but the public said it was cruelty to animals to leave him in there."  
  
"Oh. Okay. Well, bye."  
  
"Bye." Legolas clicked off his cell phone.  
  
"Nelineth." Legolas said carefully. The blonde elf looked up.  
  
"Yes, cousin of mine that I love so much?"  
  
"I have to go to a uh, a business meeting in the Shire. Father is thinking about investing in some pipe weed. I have to end our visit early. I apologize." Fury suddenly darkened Nelineth's face.  
  
"Don't lie to me, Legolas Greenleaf! You're going to meet that horrible Fellowship group again! You ungrateful rat!" She shouted, advancing. Legolas swallowed nervously. To invoke the wrath of Nelineth was like poking a cave troll in the eye and then standing there.  
  
"No! Of course not!" He stuttered. But the enraged elf advanced.  
  
"I always knew you hated me! Especially when you and those twin Rivendell brats poured salt in my Lembas!" She snarled, grabbing his collar and shaking him. "You filthy liar!" She sneered. Legolas smothered his grin at remembering her face at tasting the tainted Lembas. Now he shuddered, terrified at the mood swing.  
  
"I'm not lying."  
  
"You are!"  
  
"All right. But, I, can't tell you why! It's for, um, someone's protection!" Legolas lied. The shaking ceased, the snarls died, and the anger was gone. Nelineth clapped excitedly, her green eyes shining.  
  
"Oh! You're going to meet a girl! Finally! Oh Leggy, can I be in the wedding? Please!" Nelineth pleaded.  
  
"Uh, yes, of course. And don't," Legolas had been about to say 'don't call me Leggy' but at the sight of a snarl rising on Nelineth's face made him stop. "Don't... feel bad about staying here while I'm gone!" He finished.  
  
PACKING  
  
Legolas shoved some clothes into a bag. He wanted to leave as soon as possible. He picked up his supply of Lembas bread and was heading to put it in his pack, when suddenly he tripped over something and fell. He landed hard on his stomach, the wind leaving his body with an 'omph!' Feeling bruised, Legolas kicked whatever it was under the bed.  
  
"That was graceful!" Nelineth snickered, smirking from the doorway. Grumbling, Legolas got up and slammed his door shut. Then he got down on his hands and knees and looked under the bed. There was something catching the light. Legolas reached for it, and almost grabbed it when it suddenly began...pulsing?! Frightened, Legolas moved his hand away and instead touched cool glass. Puzzled, he picked it up. It was a framed Christmas card from Aragorn. It showed Aragorn and Arwen smiling, their children in coordinated outfits around them. 'Legolas, Merry Christmas, pretty elf boy!' At first, Legolas had been puzzled. Was Merry coming from Christmas? It took him three days of pondering to realize Aragorn was just saying a Christmas greeting. Even now, Legolas felt stupid thinking about it. He looked down at Aragorn and shuddered. That hair.  
  
"Filthy human scum!" Legolas said with a grin/grimace. The hair drew his attention every time he saw him. That mop of...grease on top of Aragorn's head he called hair. Did he wash his hair with grease and oil? Legolas had tried to get Aragorn to wash it. He had strongly hinted. But no such luck. What was wrong here? How did Aragorn not get the hint? Legolas had sent three gift baskets of shampoo, conditioner, moisturizer, and lotion! Still, the hair remained greasy. Legolas didn't understand how Arwen could stand being in such close proximity to the hair. She went to sleep every night in the same bed as it! Legolas shuddered, clutching his own well-kept hair and hoping his hair would never be that unkempt. He had tried asking Arwen how she could stand it, but she started yelling at him and criticizing him and even threatening him.  
  
"I wonder if Aragorn was invited..." Legolas mused.  
  
HEY! Hi, this is one of the writers, Michele. My friend Ashley is writing Aragorn's POV, he's in the story too. She'll be posting it soon! Oh, and I hope you like this story! Lol she's an Aragorn fan and I'm a Legolas fan. So in between the two of us, it should be okay! 


	2. Aragorn & his evil bed

Hello. I'm Ashley, my friend Michele wrote the first chapter for our story. And I must apologize to all you Aragorn fans; (I am one myself) for those horrible comments about his hair. Thank you Michele. I was disgusted. I'm sorry you all had to read that. This chapter is for all of you Aragorn fans! Our loveable, adorable, CLEAN Ranger is slightly uncoordinated, but he's still really hot.  
  
Disclaimers: For Eru's sakes, people, how many of these stories have you read? And how many of the authors actually own anything Tolkien related? Yeah, I didn't think so. But anyways, no, I don't own the books, characters, plot, and try as I might, I STILL don't own Aragorn, damn security...  
  
On with the chapter!  
  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Knock. Knock. Knock. Aragorn heaved a sigh. What was Middle-Earth coming to when the King of Gondor couldn't sleep in on a Saturday morning? He gently removed his hand from around Arwen's waist and kissed his beautiful sleeping wife on the forehead. Stepping out of bed, he tripped and fell, pulling the fine gauzy curtain hanging delicately around their bed to the floor and awakening his wife. Arwen opened her eyes and began to laugh at the sight of her husband desperately trying to get up, but being held down. As he fell, the curtain had wrapped itself around him, which put forth a problem, because it was still partly attached to their bed.  
  
"Uh... my lord?" A servant knocked again, after hearing the loud crash from inside the bedroom. Arwen rolled off the bed from laughing and fell to the floor with a soft thud. Aragorn, by now very tired and nearly drowned in a sea of gauze, stood up, and with a sickening ripping noise walked to the door, the curtain trailing, half of it still wrapped around his body while the other half was hanging from the ceiling. The servant gasped at the sight of the room, but even more so at his King.  
  
"Yes?" Aragorn sighed impatiently. "Uh... you have a phone call my lord," the servant stuttered. "Is it important? I'm sort of busy..." Aragorn trailed away, glancing back at the state of his room and at his wife sitting on the floor, legs spread apart, looking completely disheveled. "Well my lord, it's a long-distance call from a... hmmm... what's his name?" the servant scratched his head, "Fido, Fobo, Frogo..." Not remembering the name, the servant trailed off and looked completely lost. "Frodo?" Aragorn asked, with sudden interest. Why would Frodo call me on a Saturday morning... when I could be asleep!!!?? he thought to himself. "Right my lord, Frodo!" the servant exclaimed, then quickly shoved the phone into the King's hands and ran away.  
  
"Frodo?" Aragorn said into the phone. "Aragorn?" Frodo wondered excitedly at his very good friend's voice on the other end. "Frodo! How good to hear from you!" Aragorn perked his voice up, despite the desire to crawl back into bed. "So how've you been?" "Well, I can't complain, but the reason I'm calling is to see if you can come to the Shire for my birthday party..." Frodo suggested hopefully. "When is it?" Aragorn asked. "Two weeks" Frodo replied. "Does this mean you can come?" Frodo questioned him with almost too much enthusiasm. "By the way, Arwen's invited also!" "Good, because she wouldn't miss it for the world!" Aragorn grinned, watching his wife, as she was trying to figure out what he was talking about. "So you'll come?" "Yes, we'll come." "Good, because you know, well it wouldn't be a party without you two. Gandalf will be telling all the stories of the ring and how he saved everyone, PRECIOUS!!, and getting high on our newly improved stock of Southfarthing. Sam will be off canoodling with Rosie. Did you know they got married? Yes, lovely little ceremony, if I do say so myself. And to think..." Aragorn drifted out as his bed called to him.  
  
"Aragorn!" the bed said, "Come rest your head, for I am the fluffiest! And will someday rule the world! Mwahahahahahahaha!" After pondering if it's possible that after being vanquished, Sauron returned as their bed, Aragorn drifted back into listening...  
  
"...Oh, and be careful of Arwen, because Merry and Pippin might try and-" Frodo was cut short by Aragorn's yell. "What!? They'll keep their hands off my wife!" "Whoa! Whoa! Buddy, I was just kidding! You tuned out, so I figured I'd screw with your head a little. I touched a nerve there, didn't I?" Frodo sounded as if he was stifling a laugh.  
  
"HaHa... pretty funny," Aragorn's anger subsided, although he was really pissed off. "So, I'll see you at the party, okay?" Frodo said in between laughs. "Certainly, we'll see you then," Aragorn managed through gritted teeth before hanging up on the hysterical hobbit.  
  
The first thing Aragorn did was slide out of his gauze cocoon, and saunter over to his wife. Arwen sat there, smiling up at him, unsure of what was going to happen. He scooped her up and threw her on the bed. "I think it not wise to openly insult the King of Gondor, my lady," Aragorn said sincerely with a wicked grin. "And what might the consequences be, my lord, for such a crime?" Arwen smiled, trying hard to match her husband's serious tone.  
  
He then proceeded to tickle her mercilessly, until he was interrupted by another knock. "For Eru's sake! Why can't I spend some time with my charming wife and my bed!?" Aragorn gave a long and drawn out sigh, gave Arwen a quick kiss, and turned to the door. A timid young servant was standing apprehensively a few feet from the door. "My lord, you are going somewhere?" "Ummm... yes... but... how-" Aragorn was confused as to how this servant could possibly know anything of the birthday party. "An attendant guessed from your conversation that you would be traveling and informed me," the boy explained shyly. "But I thought... oh, never mind. Yes, the Queen and I are journeying to the Shire," Aragorn sighed, remembering his bed. "We shall set off tomorrow, begin to ready the horses and inform the cooks of our journey. Ask them to pack various... traveling... food," slightly unaware of what he was saying. "Very self-explanatory..." Arwen stood there smiling at her husband. "Well unless you would rather live off the land, my dear, I expect we bring something," Aragorn smiled exasperatedly. "Inform the cooks I shall be down shortly to compile our supplies," Arwen spun her head around to face the servant. "Yes, my lady," the servant nodded. "My lord, my lady," he bowed and walked quickly out of sight.  
  
"Well, now that everyone knows we're leaving, we might actually get ready to leave," Arwen stated matter-of-factly. "Nooooo..." Aragorn moaned, looking back at his bed. Then he realized that it might be Sauron. So he sighed heavily and threw his shoulders down, giving off a defeated and extremely exhausted appearance. "Fine... I'll go prepare... something," Aragorn heaved an exasperated sigh. Arwen smiled at her husband, thinking he looked absolutely adorable (AND CLEAN!!!!!!!!). She watched him shuffle away, heave a sigh of her own, and turn down the hallway leading to the kitchen. It's going to be a long day, she thought. 


	3. Trouble On the Trail

Disclaimer - I don't own LOTR, it belongs to New Line Cinema, Peter Jackson, and most of all Tolkein.  
  
Oh, and this story is not A/U. (Alternate universe) It's merely that we (the authoresses) needed a quick method of communications. There shouldn't be any more modern technology. Besides, it's a HUMOR story. Random-er things may happen. Also, I'm not that knowledgeable on every aspect of the book, sadly, so some things may not be accurate! Ashley knows WAY more than I do! Now, on to the story!  
  
________________________________________________________ Legolas headed outside, the wind ruffling his hair affectionately. He heaved his sack of things over his shoulder and started off. He'd been walking only a mile when the screech of a hawk He looked up, shading his fair blue eyes with his hand. The hawk circled down to him and Legolas held out his arm as a perch. Sure enough, the hawk landed gently on his arm, then sank it's sharp talons into Legolas's arm. The fierce yellow eyes bore into Legolas's and the bird extended it's leg.  
  
"Be at peace, mellon." (Friend) Legolas said gently. The hawk ruffled it's feathers and screeched softer. Legolas grinned and stroked the feathered back before realizing the hawk was a messenger. He unrolled the piece of parchment from the birds leg and held his arm far from his body. The hawk tensed, then sprang up into the air again with a cry. It circled for a moment, then flew off again. Legolas looked back at the parchment. He'd never known you could use a hawk for a message bird. Finally, he realized he had to read it.  
  
Greetings from Gondor! Legolas, it's Aragorn.  
  
'For Valar's Sake!' Legolas thought, exasperated. He prayed quickly to the gods that Aragorn had not called upon him to baby-sit. The last time he and Arwen had to leave Gondor, Legolas had been called upon to watch his children. Legolas shuddered. It wasn't that he didn't like kids. In fact, he loved kids! But demons, well, they're another story. After only ten minutes of being alone, Legolas had run out of ideas and stories. The kids began to clamor for his attention and fun activities, and in desperation, Legolas took them hunting. He winced at the memory. That turned out slightly...bad. One child wandered off, and while he searched for them, the others started a fire that nearly burned down four trees and a house, and badly scorched a member of the Council of Gondor. Legolas had left as soon as Aragorn arrived home, leaving the city quickly to save face. Finally, Legolas turned his attention back to the message, feeling very apprehensive.  
  
Arwen and I have been extended an invitation for a party quite out of town. (Legolas cursed rather loudly in Dwarfish and managed to send six birds out a tree, thanks to Gimli's vocabulary lessons.) Don't worry, we wouldn't dream of asking you to baby-sit, not after last time! Anyway, Frodo asked us to come to his birthday party. So I'm assuming you've been invited too. Arwen and the rest of my family is coming as well. I was wondering if you wanted to travel together. That way you wouldn't have to travel alone. If you'd like to accompany us, send back a reply and we'll meet you at the Gap of Rohan!  
  
"How do I send back a reply? I don't have a bird!" Legolas grumbled, scanning the blue skies to see if the bird lingered. No luck. Legolas sighed, shouldered his pack again and stood under a tree. To his good fortune, there was a bird sitting in the tree. 'Perfect!' Legolas thought smugly, quietly dropping his pack to the forest floor. Next, he began to climb up the tree. His hand squelched as it landed in sticky sap, and Legolas winced and tried to wipe it off. Instead, he managed to get three leaves stuck to his hand. The bird sat quietly, watching interestedly.  
  
"Dortha tara!" (Stay still!) Legolas commanded quietly through gritted teeth as his palm was stabbed by a sharp piece of bark. He was now on the same branch as the bird. "Come here!" He said, extending his hand. The bird, blinked a cool, calm eye at him, and edged further away. Legolas moved forward again when he felt the branch shift beneath him. Desperate, he reached for the bird, his arm extended. Suddenly, there was a crack and the branch snapped. It crashed down, hitting other branches on the descent. Legolas finally tumbled to the ground, lying on his back. Spitting out a mouthful of leaves, he sat up, rubbing his back gingerly. Darts of pain were delivered through his body as he stood. The tree began to rustle as he approached it, as if it knew he had caused the branch to break. He backed up.  
  
"Come here!" He shouted. The bird suddenly flew down and landed on his shoulder. Legolas stared at it in shock. All that...when it just....Legolas shook his head and pulled parchment out of his pack. With a feathered quill and some ink, he replied carefully 'I am going to the Shire as well. Meet you at Gap of Rohan. Can't wait to see the kids. That baby-sitting excursion wasn't too bad. Remember the drunken horse incident?' Legolas smirked as he pictured his friend reading the last sentence and tearing the note into bits before anyone else read it. Aragorn hadn't any mention of that incident. Legolas motioned to the bird and wrapped it around the bird's leg.  
  
"Find King Aragorn, Ruler of Gondor. He's also known as Strider, Son of Arathorn, Dunadain," Legolas continued steadily for a few more minutes, then finished and let the bird go. It squawked once and flew off. Legolas watched it disappear and was about to start off again when he heard something crack behind him. Fast as lightning striking, Legolas had fitted his bow and was aiming deep into the forest. Something black scuttled away. Legolas began to back away, his pack of stuff safely with him again. A spider. Probably a child of Shelob. Legolas had heard all about it from Sam. The last time he visited the Shire, Sam had sat him down with Merry, Pippin, and Sam's children and began the story of the journey. It had been a great story the first time. Legolas had even gained an even deeper appreciation for the four hobbits. But after the seventh time, and Merry and Pippin's tenth pint of ale, Legolas was quite bored. Suddenly, the spider was darting towards him. Legolas quickly rolled out of the way and shot at the spider. It hit dead on, the spider squealed and dropped to the ground, making funny squeaking noises and frothing. Legolas grinned smugly and began to walk away. That was funny. He wasn't going anywhere. He began to walk faster. Still nothing. Then he realized, to his dismay, he was caught in a spider web! Several more spiders were advancing, and fast. The spider on the ground was waving it's legs in the air uselessly. Legolas could have sworn he heard it squeak 'I'm melting!' but he couldn't be sure. He struggled harder, his legs thrashing as he fought against his bonds. The approaching spiders were clicking their pincers menacingly, a thick, heavy substance dripping between them. Legolas didn't want to think about it. He shot a few more arrows, but the spiders approached. Legolas aimed at the corners of the web. One came down. He shot at the other. Two left. He shot at the bottom left corner. Just before he shot at the last corner, a spider reached out with it's leg and slashed his forearm. Gritting his teeth against the pain, Legolas shot the last corner. The web crumpled, completely covering him. Legolas got down and rolled under the spiders. He was nearly blinded by the stupid web. He got up and ran once he was sure he was clear of them. He began scratching at the heavy mesh covering, trying to get it off. It stuck uncomfortably to his body. A crackle of thunder rumbled overheard. Legolas cursed his bad luck as a heavy rain began to pour.  
  
It was a sodden, bleeding Prince still half covered in cobwebs that emerged a few hours later from the dark recesses of Mirkwood Forest. He was running at top speed. In fact, he didn't stop until he reached the shores of the river Anduin, where he bought a small boat from a family that lived on the river and began to paddle downstream, towards Rohan. He slumped down in the bottom of the boat, exhausted. It was a very tired Prince of the Mirkwood Realm that had battled spiders and birds, hit three rocks, plugged the boat's holes with four fingers and six toes, and was tipped three times by a stubborn turtle. Five days after he started off, Legolas reached Rohan. He stumbled into the city of Edoras and came stomping into the palace.  
  
"Eomer, I need a horse." He said, slipping on his own wet trail of river water and falling down onto his back, among the laughter from half the court of Rohan. 


	4. Paper obssessions

Thank you to all the reviewers: Elfobsession2931 for your MANY reviews!!!!! Thanks!!!!, Tiger, Nadia Greenleaf, and merrymagic26; thank you all so much!!!!! I really appreciate it; it's my first time posting on ff.net (Michele has her own separate account- go check it out, she's a BIG Potc fan- WhiteWave6621-go check it out!) But it's my first time, so thank you all!!! And, to the anonymous flame, I'm deeply aggrieved that you thought our characters were... out of character. They are simply using modern technology (as Michele said) to make things go a little quicker. And the new character was only in the story for about five minutes, so I'm very sorry that you don't like it, but we're not changing a thing. On with the story!  
  
"Arwen, melamin," Aragorn pleaded with his wife. "I just need to use one piece!"  
  
"Well, it's very special paper! Do you realize it was my mothers? MY MOTHERS Aragorn! It's very special. It's one of the only things I have left from her," Arwen got a little teary eyed at thinking about her mother, Celebrian, so much.  
  
"I'm sorry melamin, I shouldn't take advantage of your paper," Aragorn wrapped his arms around his wife and gave her a kiss, sorry that she was sad about her mother.  
  
"Is it important?" Arwen felt bad for denying her husband paper. She didn't think he would give in so easily.  
  
"Well... I guess it's not," Aragorn had an idea.  
  
"No, what do you need it for?" Arwen was curious at Aragorn holding something back from her.  
  
"Well... no, it's silly..." Aragorn hoped his plan would work.  
  
"No really sweetie, what is it? I'm sure if it's important I could spare a piece," Arwen wanted to be a generous wife. And anyways, not sharing paper seemed a little obsessive.  
  
"I was just going to send Legolas a letter telling him to meet us at the Gap of Rohan and we could travel together to the Shire. I figured, if he was here to watch the kids, we could have some alone time..." Aragorn winked at his wife and gave Arwen's waist a squeeze. Please Valar, let this work...  
  
"Well then, when you put it that way, I'm sure I could spare a peace," Arwen smiled back lovingly at Aragorn.  
  
Yes!!!! His plan had worked. "Thank you love, you're so generous!" He ladened his wife with compliments because he felt bad for deceiving her.  
  
"Oh Aragorn! You're welcome sweet."  
  
Aragorn began to write Legolas the note.  
  
Greetings from Gondor! Legolas, it's Aragorn. Arwen and I have been extended an invitation for a party quite out of town. Don't worry, we wouldn't dream of asking you to baby-sit, not after last time! Anyway, Frodo asked us to come to his birthday party. So I'm assuming you've been invited too. Arwen and the rest of my family are coming as well. I was wondering if you wanted to travel together. That way you wouldn't have to travel alone. If you'd like to accompany us, send back a reply and we'll meet you at the Gap of Rohan!  
~Aragorn  
  
'Well, that looks pretty good.' Aragorn thought to himself. 'Now, to find a bird. Ah, there's one. Well, I just have to catch it.' Aragorn lightly stepped over to the bird. It slowly turned its head as if sensing his presence. He smiled and began to say some soothing elvish words to it. It hopped closer, and closer, until Aragorn could reach out and pick it up. He inched his hand closer and closed it over the bird. It crooned happily as he tied the note around the birds ankle.  
  
"Ada! Can I hold the bird?" Eldarion bounded over to where his father was sitting. "Actually, Eldarion, this bird has to go to Uncle Legolas. We're going to meet him on our way to the Shire. Isn't that exciting?" Aragorn tried to take his son's attention away from the bird, unsure of what would happen if he got his hands on it.  
  
Eldarion screwed his face up as if he was eating sour lembas. "Uncle Leggy is like naneth. He likes to wash his hair too much... He never wanted to watch us because he was always busy looking at himself in the mirror. Then he tried to give me groo-ming lessons. He tried to give me a fash-al. It was icky. He said I take after my ada!"  
  
Aragorn chuckle, yet realized why his children always ended up with scars, cuts, and bruises after being baby-sat by Legolas. "Yes, well Legolas is a little superficial."  
  
"What's soo-pur-fish-al?" Eldarion asked. "It means Legolas loves himself waaav more than most people do," Aragorn could believe what his child was telling him. When they stayed in Lothlorien, he had spent six hours washing his hair and another seven 'working on his complexion'. Aragorn couldn't for the life of him understand how Legolas would help them with the quest if all he ever did was wash his hair... no wonder Aragorn was the leader. Legolas had always cared more for his hair more than most people.  
  
Now that the bird was sent, Aragorn and his family had spent the last three days traveling waiting for news. At around sunset on the third day, the bird had arrived, looking bedraggled and a little worse for the wear...  
  
"Lovely, it says he can make it! Jolly good, I guess we better step up the pace then. He should be there by sunset tomorrow."  
  
Sorry this is so short!! Next chapter, Legolas and Aragorn meet!!!!! It might be a while, Michele is leaving for FLORIDA (curse her... we hates her... precioussss) Saturday. So keep checking. I might post a chapter with a little more of Aragorn and his family... hmmmm... 


	5. Baths, Frogs, and Goodbyes

Disclaimer – I don't own LOTR, it belongs to Tolkein and New Line Cinema.  
  
To MerryMagic26 – You can use that same story idea! Lol I didn't copyright that, it's a perfectly...er...normal situation!  
  
Eomer rose from his throne and tried to wipe the grin off his face as he spotted the elf upon the floor. His face twitching abnormally, he stared down at Legolas.  
  
"Greetings, Lego- Legol- Lego," Eomer was trying desperately to keep a straight face. Legolas glared sourly at him.  
  
"Hello Eomer." Eomer decided he could smile now and did so, extending his hand. Legolas took it and got up, but the floor was still wet and his legs slid around as Legolas scrambled to stay upright, arms flailing. When he finally stood straight again, Eomer grinned.  
  
"Our horses do not bear river rats. Come, you can dry off." Legolas nodded appreciatively and made to follow Eomer, but slipped and ended up sliding halfway to the door. Eomer led him to a room with a bath, a screen, and a few towels. Legolas thanked Eomer and hurried inside, locking a door behind him. The bath was steaming, and Legolas stripped, and stepped in, sighing with relief. Suddenly, from inside his tunic, a frog jumped out, croaking reproachfully. Legolas shook his head, recalling how upon opening his mouth to request an audience from the king, a croak had emitted instead. Legolas sank beneath the surface, letting the warm water envelop him. Finally, he got up and wrapped a towel around his waist. He laid out his clothes neatly, waiting for it them to dry. Next, he took up residence in a chair, waiting for his hair to dry. He tried to help his hair dry by getting up and flipping his hair over, shaking his head. Unfortunately, he whacked his cheek against the chair and ended up getting a dark purple bruise just under his right eye. Wincing, he got up and sat down on the chair again, motionless. Finally, his hair and his clothes were dry and he pulled on his clothes and opened the door, letting the croaking frog out first. A servant passing looked from the frog to Legolas's bruised cheek and back to the frog. Shaking her head, she hurried away.  
  
"Excuse me!" Legolas called. The maid turned.  
  
"Yes, Sire?" She asked.  
  
"Might I see King Eomer, just to say goodbye?" Legolas asked. The maid giggled and smothered it. Legolas straightened, slightly miffed and annoyed.  
  
"Begging your pardon, Prince Legolas, but the King usually doesn't take visitors at eleven at night!" She giggled. Legolas hadn't realized that long had passed. "But I'll wake him." She said quickly, turning to walk away. Legolas followed her. Just before she opened the door to Eomer's chamber, she turned back to Legolas.  
  
"Perhaps you'd like some ice for that eye, my lord? I've heard the frogs are getting rowdy." She said with a smirk, her mouth twitching oddly as she struggled not to laugh.  
  
"No thank you." Legolas said, leaning somewhat defensively against the opposite wall. The girl grinned and disappeared into the chamber. A few minutes later, Eomer reappeared, blinking rapidly and shuffling.  
  
"Eomer, thank you for the hospitality," Legolas began. Eomer held up his hand to stop him, still rubbing his eye.  
  
"Shut it, elf. I'm tired. It took you somewhere around six hours to take a bath and get your stuff dry. Now I'm looking forward to sleeping. Get a horse and go." Eomer grumbled, turning around and going back into his room. The servant girl came back immediately.  
  
"Sorry, my lord. He's been in a bad mood since a few hours ago, when his sister asked to be allowed to hang a man who teased her for riding her horse. She refused to let him off with anything less than a whipping." The maid informed him. Legolas mentally reminded himself never to mention to Eowyn she was less than maidenly. He'd always been a bit afraid of her since Arwen and Aragorn left on their honeymoon, and she told Eomer they should follow, just in case.  
  
"It's fine. I'll just go get a horse." Legolas said quickly, shaking off the girl's company and hurrying outside to the stables. Inside, it was dimly lit by a few lanterns. The horses gazed sleepily at him. One however, was particularly wide eyed and speedy looking. A dark colored horse with a darker mane. Legolas smiled and reached in to touch the horse. It nuzzled his hand and snorted happily. Legolas quickly opened the door and led the horse out. He jumped on, bareback and trotted out the doors. A little stable boy was calling after him.  
  
"My lord! Come back! My lord!" the boy called. Legolas, unable to hear, just turned and waved.  
  
"My lord! That's Lady Eowyn's horse! It's LADY EOWYN'S HORSE!" From the shadows, Eowyn stepped out; her eyes glittering and her sword alight from the beams from the moon.  
  
"Ah, a horse thief!" She sneered. "Yahru, saddle another horse. I'm going to get my horse back, and teach that thief a lesson!" 


End file.
